Day 58

Today was a good day. 

Got to spend the morning/afternoon with my Mom.  Went to Scott Airforce Base to see if they had a diaper bag I wanted (they didn't).  Cleaned the bathroom floor.  Hung up some window blinds.  Went to a girlfriend's party...

And then the busy part of the day ends and I'm climbing into an empty bed...

I get so sad.  Not even Baby-A.'s kicks, or my usual favorite (a long hot shower) can cheer me up.  I miss my husband and I'm terrified to go through this whole labor and delivery thing without him.  I feel overwhelmingly guilty that I/we chose for me to come back to the states to have Baby-A because there is a 99.999999% chance that hubby won't make it in time for the birth of his baby. 

The other night, I had contractions 5 minutes apart for 4 hours, before they finally stalled out.  I didn't even call the doctor.  I was in denial.  I wasn't ready to go through with this. 

Decisions look so much easier on paper than they feel like in real life.

But come to think of it, I should be proud of myself for having made any decision at all back then, being such a hormonal-crazed prego that I was/am! =0)